I've learned wayyy too much information about plants for one day. X( I'll do my best to manage all of it somewhere in my head. Tomorrow I have a quiz after all. D: Ah, what to do?
I decided to take a break; I've put my lovers away until the winter break. A memory of all five of them remains in my room, however. You will not be forgotten and I will think of you every single day until we unite again. May He be with you and bring you strength. Nobody in my family understands why I like Asian guys so much. :)
Ah, the gore has not ended. It has only began, and will continually haunt me until the late December. Where to escape?
It seems I need all the confidence and will power I have stored in the darkest and deepest closet of my mind. Gotta take my time looking in there, they should begin to show eventually. Indeed they will both be my armor against the doom's dark teal waves approaching me, roaring at me, about to rip through me with their gloomy white paws.
People are so weird. It seems no matter who you meet, no one is absolutely normal. Maybe normal is boring, as some may think, but I don't really know, in all honesty. I don't believe you have to be smart to be normal. I just know that normal people know when to be serious and are at least familiar with the basics of how to handle themselves in different situations. So many of the people that surround me during the day can be so odd, each in a different situation. It just shocks me. I can't believe the certain things people may think or do sometimes. There are really times when I just don't understand them. Take Yi for example. I thought we are good friends. I always talked to her last year and overall we were on very good relations. She even told me that she finds it easier to talk to me. Now we don't spend much time together anymore. However, somewhere at the back of my mind I grieve that I don't have enough chances to speak to her. And whenever I try to see if she still has some interest in me, she seems to not care. I'm afraid it's pointless to even try to start a conversation with her. What happened? Did she get tired of me? I thought that she liked me. Before she really did, and a lot too. Maybe more than I'd ask for. And what now, she gradually began losing interest in me? That doesn't seem right, doesn't seem fair. I don't like the idea of that. Nothing bad happened between us. I'd be more than glad to spend time with her. I really like listening to her talk, no matter what it may be about. So why this now...? Nothing bad happened between us.
Now Alex is a different story. First of all, she gives the impression of a person who doesn't care about much. Not to say that she doesn't have her own interests. She just has such a limited view of the world and lets so much pass, without any interest. Whatever may not appeal to her, she doesn't bother to take particular interest in it. And she also acts very selfish some times, as if the whole world revolves around her. How childish! Why can't she accept that to the world she means nothing? What is it that causes her to be so self centered?
Ayu is just so very strange. Being the kind of person who makes it obvious that she takes such interest in appearance, she just goes off with a very unattractive guy. Why on Earth would she bother with him? I mean, if they looked alike, I'd have believed that they share a likeness with each other. If I never gave a shit about appearance, then I'd just pick any ugly man to be with. This is not about the importance of appearance but about the influence our interest in it brings. To say that the girl has no taste is wrong. She does, you can just tell by how she looks.
And she really is very unique. So what could have possibly brought her to him? What is it about his features that makes him beautiful to her?
The only conclusion to make of all this is that the world is truly bizarre.
Every day I live in a bigger disgrace. I feel like I try but I always seem to skip steps to everything without realizing it. I hate this kind of life. I don't know where I am going every day. I'm so not used to this routine and these educational conditions are just too much for me to bear, I never feel as if I'm in control of anything, and I feel as if I'm moving closer to failure every single day. If I miss anything, I start decelerating. I can't keep up with anything. This is beyond ridiculous. What a distorted brain I was given, since I cannot do one thing right, Fie, I was put damned on this soil from the start! Let my genes die out as there will be no hope for my offspring for survival. We need not pollute our planet with imbeciles like myself. To think I can actually do something. No, I equal nothingness. I'm messed up; and how do you fix a grotesque mind like mine? Oh to hell with me.
I'm just finishing up my English. Gotta make sure everything is perfect. It damn better be. I'll be on that damn list no matter what it takes!
She's right, there's quite a knife underneath a smile here. Everything about this sentence makes sense. I can just see it. Well, I like her as a teacher, because she knows how to get her job done right. But her class can be exhausting because she talks so much and we don't get any chance to communicate. I feel nervous just saying a word to someone. Better keep as quiet as possible. Well, all I know is that I wouldn't like to know her as a person. Not very attracted to her personality. I like more open people. My old teacher, she must have come from a different side of the globe from her's. Such a distinction! Now there is an open person. A bright one at that.
"There is no way that you can ever really repeat something.
I have this great belief that the magic of the moment can never be recaptured. "
