Note:
Today is a wonderful day; today brings a time to celebrate!
And I thank the good lord if he is up there above us!
Thank all the wonderful spirits that made this happen!
And my friend destiny, who so intently listened to my wishes
reveal themselves to it's comprehensive ears!
Today I am blessed; blessed to have been touched by your spirit,
and make my own flutter.

Picture

A young man sits in a chair looking out the window. "These eyes" is playing on the radio. He sighs and turns around, getting up from his chair.  

I keep my glance firm on the digital box before me. The days keep coming back to my mind, the time I fooled around so much in that darkroom, getting my projects finished, always anxious to know where all the hard work put into each of my small frames of life have led me yet again. I will never forget every little detail of my magical handheld mechanism, the smoothness of it, the clarity of the world through it's shiny lenses.
I look at my watch. 8:15. A student should be coming soon. I have these things scheduled. I'm responsible for a school's graduation pictures. What a repetitive process, with all those fake smiles the kids have to put on. I still remember my days; I couldn't wait until they finish with my picture. All the formal dressing, fixing of hair, smoothing of clothes. What a commotion graduate pictures always bring! And for what? For simply two seconds of looking prettily into the camera. It's different from what I do personally. I take photographs of natural moments of life. This...what I am doing now, it lacks feeling. I'm already running out of jokes that put on kid's natural smiles. Oh well, I'm doing this simply for experience. This is my last day after all.

Two students arrive laughing about something they seemed to have found pretty hilarious. Wait till they hear the sound of my sarcasm. That'll kill them! I can crack people up pretty well.
"Please, don't keep the camera waiting any more. It has been sitting here lonely all morning with no one to stare at. Yes, please, sit here. "
One of them rolls her eyes and sits aside on a chair. The girl before me lets out a short giggle and flips her long brown hair back. She sits down on the stool. Looks up on me with a questioning glance, That look in her eyes, it is so different. It is as if I'm looking into two clear drops of ocean water.
"Don't be looking so gloomy hon, you'll cry when you see how your picture turned out. Why don't you put a little smile on, were're not here to execute you. There, that's all the better."
Her smile gets wider. I step forward and look into the camera. I'm not sure of what I'm seeing. My heart skips a beat. I take some time and observe the slender body that girl has, notice the softness of her skin. From the lense I can even see her friend smiling at this pretty face. This will truly be a fascinating picture.
I step away from the camera, to see if it is giving me illusions. I glance back at her with my own set of eyes. There she still is , looking a little worried. Girls, always so worried about their image. And yet it is so unnecessary here, she's a natural. That beauty could get her into modeling. Strange, how could someone look so intense and innocent at the same time?
"Is anything wrong? Am I not sitting right?"
"Oh no, not at all. I have a good feeling about this one. It'll turn out great, trust me. Lean a little closer. That's perfect! Smile again".
The flash shoots into her.
"Pretty good!"I say satifyingly. And I really mean it.
"Thank you sir,"she replies as she looks at the screen image of herself.
"No problem at all."
They gather up and make their way toward the exit.
Brilliant smile she has. I'll never forget it. Now that's a sight.

Mind session

But really, it wasn't for the looks, was it?

No, I guess it wasn't, I guess it wasn't too much for that, no. I just wish I could be with her again you know. Even my dreams keep coming back to her. It's depressing, all of this.

All of what?

I don't know. I guess all the mixed feelings and thoughts my mind has built in itself. Naturally, I don't think about her on free will. But some times my mind just switches back to her for that one instance, yet to switch off of her the next. Why is this still happening? Do I still have anything left with her? Wasn't I finished with all the disaster?

It's quite peculiar, isn't it?

Rather is; I thought all this ridiculous business was done. Why can't I ever forget these people completely? It's like 2% or 3% of me is still attached to them.These emotions, they are all so pointless. I have to get over it; I'm never going to be with these people again. I shouldn't feel attached to them. And yet I do and it's starting to be a little bothersome. I seldom think about them, and yet I do think. I can't help it, I'm human. Would it not be easier to be an insect and have no space in that tiny brain span of mine to remember individuals and experience such a range of emotions?

But insects do not know what it is to truly feel. They know nothing, compared to us.

I'd rather not know some times. I'd rather be an unintelligent life form than one who feels too much for her own good.

Is there no way back? Surely there must be something?

A plan, in other words? But that's downright atrocious! No way, I'm not coming back to them!Just because they are in my mind, doesn't mean that they should be there.

But you suffer, you see. You feel lonely and defeated. You are not confident enough to do what you feel is right in your life. If this goes on, you will always be left alone to suffer, you'll never get anywhere!


But it wasn't my fault! It's not fair! I certainly didn't didn't do anything wrong to them! I always did well. How could they? Why would they do this to me?

Maybe you never showed them how much you care.

I did! Couldn't they figure it out?! Is this world so full of ignorant idiots? The whole planet must be messed up then, full of rubbish!

Does it truly bother you so?

Of course! Nothing is right. Where is the justice anywhere? How do people get what they want, while I feel like I'm piled with dirt because I'm always left out?

This journey is yet to be discovered; don't get ahead of yourself.


Fuck you stupid hypocrites! You can all just be happy with your little friends. What the hell do I care? Forget this.

The Great Chain of Being

The chain consists of:

God
Angels
Kings/Queens
Archbishops
Dukes/Duchesses
Bishops
Marquises/Marchionesses
Earls/Countesses
Viscounts/Viscountesses
Barons/Baronesses
Abbots/Deacons
Knights/Local Officials
Ladies-in-Waiting
Priests/Monks
Squires
Pages
Messengers
Merchants/Shopkeepers
Tradesmen
Yeomen Farmers
Soldiers/Town Watch
Household Servants
Tennant Farmers
Shephards/Herders
Beggars
Actors
Thieves/Pirates
Gypsies
Animals
Birds
Worms
Plants
Rocks

What to make of this?

Note: The end point of evolusion, if there was one, would be the perfect creature: contradictory impulses resolved, no thoughts, no needs, no rage; able to see through rocks; to survive without eating; to change things by force of will. to live forever. It would be exactly what it had displaced. It would be God.
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Kazu

Author:Kazu
Just like to see we need to open our eyes, to understand, we must open up our minds....

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